Discussion
by Madame Isabel de Alegheiri
Summary: Eames and her unconscious mind have a talk *Second Chapter is up*
1. The start of it all

Just for the record: I don't own this show. Wish I did, but Dick Wolf won't return my calls regarding making a purchase. Which is really too bad, because I wouldn't mind taking Goren home with me. The man has an inch shy of two feet on me, so that could be fun.....anyway, while I pause to collect my increasingly bad, bad, thoughts, just let me say that I am not making any money off of this effort.

Enjoy, and if you don't review, I'll.....I'll come up with something, trust me.

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Discussion 

Alexandria Eames was sitting in front of her vanity mirror, staring into its glassy surface as though it held the answers to all of he questions. She fiddled nervously with her hair, forgetting momentarily that she had only sat down to remove her earrings so that she could go to bed without the wires poking her in the head or neck. It was clear that she was, in fact, preoccupied with something, as her fingers began to drum on the smooth surface of the table top, faster and louder until she slammed her palms flat out in a motion of exasperation. The words, which she had, hitherto, kept inside her head, bubbled forth, as she began to speak to her reflection in the mirror.

"Why, for the love of God, can I not have a normal partner? Would that really have been so hard?" Her hands motioned in petition as she raised her eyes upward.

"Really, why did I end up with a man with a computer for a brain? Do you have any idea how worthless I feel sometimes? If it weren't for the fact that he's a genuinely decent human being, I might be tempted to strangle the man.... with the aid of a chair."

"Come on, what do I have to do just to get a little credit." Alex was really getting animated now, and her arms were flailing to emphasis her points. "If I have to be the bait one more time because of a "hunch".... it's just that Goren is right too damn much, if he would only screw up once and a while, it would be harder to hate him. It might make him human." She began to ramble, as she peered intensely at her image in the glass.

"I don't know, maybe he is human...take away the quick mind and the nice suits and all you have left is-"

*A guy who would look great in a loin-cloth*

Alex looked around, half expecting to see someone in the room with her. "Who said that?"

*The unconscious part of your mind, dearie. Do you remember your Freud?*

"I do, but what-"

*I house all of your suppressed urges. Especially those urges centered around a certain Detective Goren* The prim voice then let out an unladylike snicker, and Alex felt herself turn red.

*Where do you think all of your hostility is coming from, hum? You want him, have no idea how to get him, and as a consequence, you vent your frustration at Goren.*

"Fine, I'll give you that one-but I haven't actually vented at him, more like, exploded into general rantings when I get home." She stuck her tongue out to punctuate.

The voice sighed impatiently, as though dealing with a slow child. *That as true, but don't you think that your behavior toward him may have, well, changed?" 

"Changed how?" Alex was getting suspicious now. "You don't mean to tell me that I'm being obvious, do you? I'm too collected to let that happen."

*Yes, dear, and pigs can fly. You can't look him in the eye anymore, and you blush every time he smiles at you. I would say that hiding your feelings is no longer an option open to you.*

Alex was speechless, knowing that it was all true. That didn't keep her, however, from trying to argue. "Where to you get off telling me how I should run my emotional life? I can live with being miserable, just as long as he doesn't find out and I don't get embarrassed." Her hairbrush flew across the room as she flung her arms in protest. It smacked up against her nightstand and she jumped. 

The voice laughed a rather indecorous guffaw. *Seriously, you work with a perceptive genius, and you mean to tell me that you think he doesn't already know? Please, don't make me laugh.*

Alex responded grumpily. "You already did."

*Sorry* Snicker *Self-control problems* Snicker *As your unconscious mind, I should know better, but I'll assume right now that you have no idea just how funny you sound.*

"Okay, if he knows, which I'm not going to admit that he does, why hasn't he said anything?"

*Goren is a gentleman, he probably doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Either that, or he's getting his jollies watching you squirm. Both interpretations work, although-*

This time it was the voice's turn to be cut of by a petulant Alex. "Although if it's the second one, I'm gonna slap him." 

*Almost what I was going to suggest, except more violent. Actually, if you relax around him, that might help you open up more.*

"I was thinking that I could just jump him when I pick him up tomorrow morning and end the suspense right there and then. He might be shocked, but you can bet that I would enjoy it." Her face brightened and she grinned impishly at her double in reverse. "What do you think he would do?"

*I cannot be assured of what he would do, but if you "jump him" as you seem so eager to do, I think that you might end up scaring him, and, unless I miss my guess, that is not what you intend to do. Try being friendly and open. Flirt if you feel that you must, but do not do anything rash, as much as you might like to. Getting past the part of him that thinks is going to be hard, but I know you. I have faith.*

"Nice speech-you sound like my mother back when I was in high school, only she would have killed me if I had mentioned "jumping" anyone. I heard that a million times and never listened once. You need to work on your spiel, because I don't think that I can flirt with him without feeling like an ass. I'm going to end up acting all weird around him-"

*Like you do now?*

"Yeah, but about ten times worse, because after this, I'm going to be thinking about what a linguine spine I am. Then he'll ask me what's wrong, and Goren can always tell when anyone is lying. I'd feel awful lying to him anyway. This isn't going to work, and now I want to cry." She crossed her arms on the vanity table and laid her head on them.

*Stop being so dramatic. Just be nice to him. Men like it when women are nice, and in this case, you're not a suspect or anyone else who would have something to potentially gain by sucking up-not that I think you should suck up. Just show the man that you are interested. I don't know how much plainer I can make it. Smile, start making eye contact again. If all else fails, ask him to go to lunch with you.*

"You aren't going to leave me alone, are you?"

*No, I'm not. I, quite frankly, am tired of listening to you mentally lament not having the courage to make a move. You know how to take a direct order, and I am giving you one. Ask him to lunch. I don't care where, but you had better do it, just as long as Deakins is nowhere around.* That made Alex smile, the man would be nonplussed, she was sure. *If you don't, I may have to do it, and you don't want me asking anyone to do anything.* The voice was very matter-of-fact.

"Why not?"

*Remember how I said that I represent all of your suppressed urges?*

"Uh-huh."

*I can see to it that you act on some of the less work appropriate ones.* If Alex hadn't know better, she would have sworn that she could sense a hint of a Cheshire Cat smile.

*On that note, I think that you had better go to bed.*

Alex nodded. *Do I have a promise that you will do talk to him so that I won't have to?*

"Yes, but I'm not going to like it."

*Yes you will, you know you will, and if you don't I shall tease you. It's not very becoming, or mature, but you need a kick in the pants. I'm finished being your therapist for the evening. Now go to bed.* The voice brooked no objection now. *Good night*

"Good night.", Alex muttered as she pulled herself up and climbed into bed. She was going to need her sleep, because tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day. 

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Love it? Hate it? Want to know what I was smoking? (Nothing, I assure you). Please read and review.


	2. confusion and nerves

I'll be honest, I wasn't planning on making this piece any more than one chapter, but I've gotten so many reviews asking for more, that I decided to make an attempt at a continuation. The voice won't play quite as large a role in this chapter, simply because Eames will be at work...and I can't have her getting hauled in for a psychiatric evaluation. Thanks to all that have reviewed, I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations.

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Chapter II

The alarum clock next to Alex's bed began to buzz an annoying static at 5:00 in the morning. She hated the buzzer noise so had the thing set to go off on an out-of range radio station, but the interruption to her sleep made her grouchy no matter in what form it came. She really wanted to roll over and pass out again-she hadn't slept well at all due to worry and some awfully realistic dreams that set her heart racing-and not in a good way. So, she mentally debated whether or not an extra fifteen minutes of sleep would really be that bad of a thing. The decision had been made that it would not be, when the voice decided to make an appearance, in a matter of speaking.

*Good morning, sunshine. Nice to see you so chipper this morning.*

Alex let out a groan and jammed her pillow over head. "Go. Away. I. Want. To. Sleep."

*Oh no you don't. Today is a big day for you, and you are not, under any circumstances going to cop out of it by laying in bed.*

"Fine. Anything to get you to shut up."

The voice pretended to be offended by the words. *Ooooo....aren't you Little Miss Grouchy this morning. We can't have that-you-know-who isn't going to want to do anything with you if you act like a you-know-what. Come on, smile.....* 

It was cajoling now, and as Alex slid out of bed she plastered the most obnoxious, cheesy smile she could muster on her face. She wasn't too tired to at least make an attempt at being a smart-ass, but it went ignored by the voice. It did, in fact, manage to stay quiet while Alex took a quick shower and got dressed. She also started to wake up during that half-hour, and the full reality of what she had to do sunk in. In fact, by the time she made it to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast, the butterflies in her stomach were doing back-flips and other things that Alex was pretty sure were not intended by nature. Finding herself incapable of eating anything, she tried to drink some coffee, but stopped as soon as she realized that the caffeine would render her nerves so wholly fragile that she wouldn't be able to so much as walk out her door. They were so bad right now that the coffee in the mug was sloshing about due to the tremors in her hands. She wondered momentarily if she would be able to drive to pick up Goren this morning without having an accident, but decided not to ponder it too much.

She got up, dumped her coffee into the sink, and did her hair and makeup while keeping herself from nailing herself in the eye with the mascara wand. This was bad. This was very bad. She had yet to even see Goren this morning, and she wasn't sure that she could face him without passing out. Alex examined her reflection in the same vanity mirror that had helped to start all of the trouble last night, and sighed.

"What is wrong with me? I'm a cop, I'm supposed to be able to handle the stress of putting my life in danger every day, but I can't even deal with a simple crush-I feel like I'm in junior high."

*Well....you may not be, but your hormones are.*

"Thanks a lot.", Alex muttered as she began rummaging through her closet for the low boots that matched her pantsuit. "Can't you be constructive for a change?"

*Of course I can, but you and your less that scathing wit have just mortally wounded me. Farewell, cruel world...*

"Don't even think about it. I, as much as I hate to admit it, need you right now. You got me into this mess, and you are going to get me out of it. At the very least _tell me how to breathe normally._"

The voice chuckled. *I had a feeling that you'd realize just how much you need me. You really do look awful right now. After you take a deep breath, or however many it takes to get your heart rate back down, I would suggest putting some powder on to cover the circles around your eyes. Would I be correct in assuming that your sleep was less than satisfactory last night?*

Alex yanked on her boots before replying. When she did, her voice was more even, and her breathing less shallow, but her tone was not without a trace of sarcasm. "No, I slept like a baby...a very colicky baby. And do I really look that bad?"

*You look exhausted. And I mean that with as much sincerity as I am capable of mustering. I've seen better-rested looking corpses.*

Alex complied by saying nothing and picking up a jar of powder. When she was finished, she did look better, and some of the butterflies seemed to be taking a nap. It was also time to go, or she was going to be late. She picked up her coat and bag and locked the door behind her.

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She continued to forcefully control her respiration as she drove, concentrating on each inhalation and exhalation, making sure that they were even and well timed, although whenever she stopped, they would become shallow and ragged. The voice was merrily singing a song that Alex had heard on the radio the day before.

*_I've got a disease. Deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby. I can't live without you, tell me, what am I supposed to do about it. Keep your distance from me, don't pay no attention to me. I've got a disease....*_

She groaned. "Can you sing something, anything else-please?"

*_You drove me to the fire_.....what, you don't like matchbox twenty?*

"It's not that." Alex said through clenched teeth. "I need something that doesn't remind me of how pathetic my situation is. Something calming would be good."

*I think that I can do calming. Let me give it a whirl, although I'm not exactly qualified....*, the voice hedged.

"Just do it. Or I'll maim you."

The voice laughed-a deep chuckle. *I do hope that you realize just how impossible that is, but if you insist, I shall do my best to please you.*

"That would be a first."

*I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that.* And without any more delay, it launched into a rendition of "Amazing Grace". At that moment, Alex pulled up in front of Goren's apartment building, and she knew that without a little grace, she wasn't going to be able to make it through....especially with the voice giving her orders. She leaned back in her seat, and mentally willed it to shut up, at least until after she was at work. It complied and fell silent. 

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Goren should be out here soon, Alex thought to herself. He usually waited by his window while he read the paper, and would come down as soon as she pulled up. He was right on time today, and as he opened the car door and scrunched himself in, her hands developed an involuntary death grip on the steering wheel, and she prayed that he wouldn't notice. That was no good, she knew. Thinking that Goren would miss anything was like asking a child to ignore the candy in the checkout at the grocery store. It just didn't happen-those eyes took in everything around them. Fortunately, he said nothing; he only smiled and offered her a cup of coffee. She declined and willed her heart to stop beating through her chest. She knew then, that she wasn't going have the courage to say a word to the man that wasn't strictly tied to the job. But the voice was silent.

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Alex made it through the morning without acting, she thought, too abnormally. The voice hadn't said a word since she had pulled up in front of Goren's apartment, although it had continued to amuse itself by singing snatches of various songs. She got through some paper work and at about ten o'clock, she got up to get a drink at the water cooler in the hall. The voice stopped halfway though a perky number by some underdressed, low talent blonde, and began to tisk.

*Tsk, tsk, tsk. After our little talk last night, I would have thought that you would have headed my warning. Unless you want me to grab sweet little Bobby by the tie and really kiss him, after I make sure that Deakins and everyone else is watching, I suggest that you ask him to lunch as soon as you get back to your desk. I am not to be trifled with, nor will I have my threats taken lightly. The clock is ticking, you have until noon, or you can kiss, quite literally, your dignity goodbye.*

"Don't you dare.", she hissed. Alex wasn't even aware that she had spoken aloud until she noticed the people in the hallway giving her rather odd looks. She wanted to scream, but that would just attract more of the wrong kind of attention, and right now she wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible. Quietly, she walked back to her desk and sat down, and spent the next hour simultaneously examining documents and trying to force her body to relax. Due to the effort she exerted doing the latter, she couldn't concentrate on the former, and she felt like she was going to go insane. The fact that she was horribly tired wasn't helping, either, so it was with a less than subtle twinge of annoyance that she heard the voice start speaking softly.

*Now, for the love of God, do it now.*

For once, Alex didn't argue. She merely looked up and tapped on the top of Goren's computer in order to get his attention. 

"What is it?"

"I, ah, was kind of hungry, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get lunch or something...maybe." She knew right away that she sounded stupid, but at the same time was surprised that she had said it without falling apart.

"That would be fine...are you paying?", he replied, with a mischievous glint in his eyes that was totally lost on his partner.

She responded with a bit more force than she would have liked. "We're partners-I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea." The words were cringe inducing-she sounded defensive and she knew it, but Goren said nothing about it. He commented that they had an interview to do anyway, so they might as well go now and get a bite to eat when they were finished. Part of Alex felt an immediate surge of relief, but another part was about to have a heart attack, still, she smiled at Goren and said that it sounded fine to her. That she was fine was an utter lie, but it was a safe lie. Getting through lunch would be difficult, and what made it even worse was that she had no idea where to go next.

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The interview went smoothly, and Alex let her partner do most of the talking. She was being unusually quiet, and was beginning to worry that her crush on Goren might be affecting the quality of her work, so she was almost relieved when they stopped at a small sandwich place for lunch. There was nothing that she could screw up here, except for possibly her relationship with Goren. Somehow that disturbed her more than anything else.

He opened the restaurant door for her, and she ducked past him, quickly making her way to a table. Latter, after their orders came, she found herself picking at a salad for which she had no appetite. Goren had finished his Reuben and potato chips a few minutes earlier, and he sat, watching Alex jab repeatedly at a piece of arugala with her fork, when he spoke.

"I thought you...were hungry?"

Alex sighed. "I was-but I lost my appetite. Sorry that I'm such lousy company."

"Hum. Anyway-", he said as he got to the question he really wanted to ask, "what was the big deal about doing lunch today?" The tone was playful, but the look in his eyes was totally serious.

Alex tried to sound nonchalant, but had a feeling that she wasn't pulling it off well at all. "Nothing, nothing at all." The voice interjected, *Good one, dearie.* _Shut up, now, _Alex ordered.

Goren shook his head. "You should know better than to try to...lie to me. Something's been bothering you for over a month, Alex, and you've been wound as tight as a spring. At first, I wasn't sure what it was, but I think that I know now. I don't know if I can say this in a way that won't embarrass you...but you like me, don't you?"

*See, I told you he knew. Although I wonder-*

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Can it!

*Fine. But I was right.*

During this mental exchange, Alex could feel her face growing hot. Goren had known all along, and now he wanted a confession from her. When Goren wanted a confession, he would get one, no matter what he had to do in order to get it. Alex had seen him use his craft time and time again in the interrogation room, and she didn't like the sensation she got when it came to be focused on her. At length, she answered, but neglected to meet his gaze. "You make it sound like a high-school infatuation, but I do, God help me, but I do. I guess that you think I'm pretty silly. It all feels pretty silly."

"Alex-", he began, and as he did so he covered her hands with his. The feeling that it produced on Alex's strung out nerves made her think that she was about to jump out of her skin, but she was able, through dint of sheer effort, to focus on what Goren was saying to her. "Alex, I've never thought that. You are a very intelligent, funny, wonderful....attractive woman-", and just then, Alex knew that there was going to be a "but". _Please, please don't let there be a but. Anything else at all. Anything but that. _

He continued, "But-", and Alex internally crumbled. "But, I could see just how jumpy you've been...and I wanted to see for myself where you were going to go with it. I have very little direct experience with relationships myself, however, I do know, and did, that you weren't dealing well with ours as it existed. I wanted to see if you were going to relax at all, or if I was going to have to...drag it out of you. In the end, I had no...desire to embarrass you. Today was another matter entirely. I saw what happened when I got in the car, and what happened when you tried to...suavely ask me to lunch." He then smiled at her and took her left hand in his and squeezed it. Alex thought that she was going to turn into a puddle of something right there. 

*Well this is certainly interesting.* This time Alex ignored the voice instead of telling it off.

Goren was still speaking. "I think that what I'm trying to say is that I would very much like to...get to know you on a much deeper level than as a partner or even as a human being. Are you okay?"

Alex was most definitely not all right. She had never, ever, felt so relieved in her entire life. The butterflies that had been expressing themselves so acrobatically all morning now gave way to a torrent of laughter. She laughed so hard that her eyes began to tear up, and big, fat, drops began to run down her cheeks.

Goren gave her a confused look. "Did I say something funny?" He really looked as though he thought that he had but he wasn't sure what.

The laughs were still coming, albeit with much less force. "I-" *giggle* "can't believe-" *snicker* "this." *gasp for air* She paused for a much longer breath. "I put myself through a month of torture, made myself feel like an idiot, and lost my ability to properly function, when all I had to do was say something? I don't know whether to kiss you now, or kill you for letting me do this to myself. So, what do we do now?"

Goren leaned close, resting his forehead against hers. "I propose that we finish our work today, go back and get what we need from our desks, give Deakins not the slightest clue as to what's going on, and then go to my place so that you can get something to eat. How does that sound, because I'm ...betting that you haven't eaten at all today, have you?"

"You're right, I haven't. Food would be wonderful."

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And it was. Goren was up to the challenge. The two of them went to his apartment after she stopped at hers to pick up some things, and he made a light fruit salad served along with heavy cream. Later Alex raided his refrigerator and rescued some pasta that she munched on while the two of them talked. The voice made only one interruption the entire evening, and it was right before Alex drifted off to sleep. She had been leaning against Goren during their discussion and she felt herself becoming drowsy, enveloped in a sweet calm that she hadn't felt in ages. He noticed and pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and covered her with it. As he stroked her hair, she heard *Aren't you glad you listened to me?* _Yes, I am. Thank you. Now go away. _*Gladly* On that note, Alex succumbed to sleep, nestled against the man she loved.


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